HAWSER, PAINTER & TILLER
Leading Undertakers to the Admiralty
Established AD 1879
Hawser, Painter & Tiller are one of the leading companies that specialise in burials at sea. Established in 1879 after a particularly disastrous Herring Harbour Naval Review, we swiftly established a reputation for dealing with such matters with style, efficiency, and decorum. Our unique development of the use of Navy rum as both an embrocation and preservative swiftly found further applications in the world of taxidermy, and thus further enhanced our already growing image in the eyes of the seaside public. Our patronage by the Albanian Royal Family in 1901 for the funeral of HRH Alexis Puskin Hermione George, Crown Prince of Tirana, won the hearts of the British Royal Family, and we were awarded the coveted Royal Warrant of His Majesty Boris IX in the Spring of 1902. Its withdrawal the following Autumn did little to lessen the position our company had established, and from then on we have gone from strength to strength, almost cornering this specialist area of the market. A dedicated family-firm, our present Chairman, the Revd. Graham Leonard Kemp, BSc. OHHSV. is the great-grandson of our founder, Barney Leopold Kemp, Master Mariner and Net Maker. He hopes to hand over control of the Company to his nephew, Augustus Caesar Publius Kemp, on his retirement.
Interested parties may register with the Company, and although a substantial deposit is required, your name will be entered into our Monthly Prize Draw where you stand the chance to win back the cost of your demise, paid into your estate as a posthumous bonus. Sadly the amount is not transferable, but the social benefits of having that figure included in the obituary details of your local and/or national newspaper far outweighs that slight restriction.
By quoting the following reference number when sending us your cheque, you will qualify for a staggering discount of 25% on our Funeral Plan prices!
Please followthis link for details of the unique series of funeral services we offer.
Revd. F. F. Goldstein. Honorary Chaplain.
"SERVICES WITH A SPLOSH"
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