A sample of the kind of letters we receive asking for our help.

 

For the attention of Father Shamus Flaherty.

Dear Father Flaherty,

I read with great interest the details of your House Blessing services advertised in the pages of Pharisaios Two, and hope that you can be of some assistance to us.

Having moved into our new rectory we have become aware of a number of paranormal phenomena which threaten the otherwise tranquil and surroundings, and which give us true cause for concern, namely:

1. Previously full bottles of Bergerac or Cotes du Rhone mysteriously transferring themselves from the wine-rack during the evening, emptying themselves, and depositing themselves in the kitchen bin overnight. This we cannot explain, but think that the phantoms (without being more specific as to their true nature) work in pairs, due to the obvious two stained wine glasses recovered from the sink in the morning.

2. Regular amounts of food going missing, especially quantities of pasta, vegetables, and pieces of chicken.

3. A strange odour of garlic that normally accompanies such phenomena.

4. Continental cooking books being removed from their shelves, and discovered later opened at a page containing delicious French recipes for lamb with sautéed vegetables, usually involving wine sauce.

5. Large items of furniture moving at great speed across the room, and splintering against the far wall - usually accompanied by a loud blood -curdling banshee –like scream, South American vampire bats diving against the sitting room window, and green ectoplasm decorating the personally-signed picture of Our Lady of Rocamadour which hangs in the study. This upsets the dogs.

Could you please advise us as to which type of Service would be most effective under the circumstances? We will be in touch over the next few days to arrange consultation, and will be ready to meet any fee that you require.

Yours,

aaaarghh!

What was that?

Did you hear something?

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